what is happeneing to me?

I am 31 years old. Yes, I am not as young as I used to be :(

I had my story to be like who I am now. I always had a very small dick so despite I do love girls, I am in no luck with them :( Most of them just laughed at me when I had the opportunity to fuck them.

Then I had been in love with a really beautiful girl. She said to me, I could fuck her if her older and rich patron can fuck me. I said yes of course. That was a beginning of a spiral downwards. I discovered I do like sucking cock and being fucked by real men.

Since that time I was actually looking for dominant men. But there are mostly posers and vanilla. Yes, I had many threesomes with so called dominant men and I did enjoy it. But I felt I lack something, a true dominant in my life.

So I was thrilled when I got an email from a real pimp! He is a huge man, more than 105 kgs and tall with an enermous cock of 18/6cms. He wrote me he needs a new sissy whore and I can be that. He also described what he had done to his previous sissy whores. Yes, he broke them in spirit and made them mindless sluts, exactly what they were looking for. And what I am looking for.

We exchanged many emails. Yes, he is a cruel man but he has a soul. He understands how a sissy thinks.

Today we agreed to finally meet in person!

It is a bit strange to me as I wear stockings and lingeries only when I meet a dominant man or woman. I was never out in the street in girls clothes but he insisted.

He promised me to give me hormones, take care of botox for my lips and of course pay for my huge new silicon tits of 100 D. Of course I have to pay it back as a whore, but who cares? That is my destiny.

I am nervous now as today we meet. I told him I maybe chicken out, I may try to escape but please dont let it.

He replied that he knows how to broke sissies. First, he will lock me in a chastity device so I will have no chance to escape. Then he will make some videos about me sucking him and he is raping me that he can upload to the internet if I am not obedient to him.

I also told him I am a submissive but not a maso. So of course I do endure pain for my master, but I dont enjoy it. He was thrilled. Asked me if I could suffer for him, cry for him. I told him yes of course. Turned out that maybe it was not the right answer :( He described that he is a total sadist and if I be his whore, he will make an experiement with me. How long a slut remains sane when tortured and beaten 10 hours a day at least. He expects 2 to 3 months before my mind is gone. I am full of fear now. I asked him what will happen to me if I am wasted after a few months?

He was very kind, said dont worry. He has a friend in the Netherlands, a really sadistic pair who owns large lands and train dogs. No one nearby for miles. If after a few month my mind is totally broken, he just send me to them. There I will live in a cage with dogs. For sure I will be chained inside the cage.

I refused this! I am not like that! Yes, I am pathetic, a total submissive looser but Great Danes in the same cage as me? There has to be a line.

He said I am overreacted it. By the time I will bethere, my mind will already gone. Now he is thinking about all the tortures to make it happen. But today I still meet him. I am really excited, get my best lingeries and wait for his BMW to stop at my house.

Wish me good luck